A Change of Heart
by scifiromance
Summary: A strange experience while regenerating gives Seven reason to reassess her priorities in life... C/7.
1. Chapter 1

**A/n: I got this idea from NikkiB1973's brilliant one-shot "The Other Side of the Door", if any of you like "Twilight" fics, read that! So this story is for NikkiB1973, and for all of those reviewers who wanted Seven to wake up with Chakotay right at the beginning of "Perspectives"… ;)**

Seven felt a tired sigh leave her throat as she finished her report on her experience with the Ventu and downloaded it to a PADD for the Captain's inspection in the morning. It would've been more efficient for her to take it to the Captain right now, but she had learned over the span of her years on Voyager that Captain Kathryn Janeway did not appreciate having her sleep disturbed for the sake of efficiently and, given that it was currently 2358 hours, she was almost undoubtedly sleeping. Seven also knew that if the Doctor were here he'd be telling her that regeneration was, for her, just as vital as sleep for the other crewmembers, but as she glanced over at her regeneration alcove, brooding in wait for her in the corner of this Cargo Bay and bathed in the sickly green glow that was all too familiar to her, she couldn't yet bring herself to heed that piece of advice.

She torn her gaze away from the alcove, her hand unconsciously coming to rest on the blanket she'd received from the Ventu and stroking the soft woven fabric pensively as the sense of difference, of separation, from the crew which always haunted her hit her with a renewed, oppressive vigour. It was inexplicable but true that it was only with a group of non-industrialised aliens, with whom she had no way to fully communicate, that she managed to lose the loneliness that had stalked her since her removal from the Collective. She hadn't explained that in her report of course, what good would that have done, but still her emotions swirled around inside her like smoke, impossible to wholly extinguish. She shivered and couldn't help but smile wryly down at the blanket, Chakotay had been right; it was possible to get cold even on an advanced ship like Voyager. The Commander, as she had told him earlier, had been proven right about many things, but she just had to hope that he wasn't misguided in alleviating her guilt about how they'd left the Ventu. Even if he were, she couldn't help but feel grateful, before his intervention, kindly and carefully offered, not only had she been feeling the loss of her friendship with the Ventu but also a crushing guilt that his quiet, informal words had somehow helped to lessen more than any of the Captain's hackneyed reassurances.

She frowned unhappily at the route her thoughts were taking, one they were following far too often since her experiments on the holodeck and even before, she couldn't afford to think too intensely on Commander Chakotay's attributes and her interactions with him, it would only bring more pain in the long term, both emotionally and, in her case, physically too…

Suddenly she felt overwhelmed by exhaustion, to the point where the near oblivion of a stint in her alcove began to appeal to her. Of course, as she did every time she stepped into her alcove, she'd need to relive the events that had passed since her last cycle as the alcove sorted through the memory files stored in her cortical node, but the prospect no longer filled her with as much dread as it had earlier in the evening. Surrendering to necessity, she left her console and went to her alcove, then dialled in the usual settings for a standard cycle, the metal on her cybernetic hand blending in briefly as her fingers moved deftly over the controls few others outside of the Collective could interpret. Taking a deep, calming, preparatory breath, she stepped into the alcove in one long stride and swiftly turned back out to face the Cargo Bay, expecting, as her eyes closed, that she'd immediately be enveloped in the simple darkness of unconsciousness.

That wasn't to be however. The mild tingle of her implants interfacing with the alcove was this time a sharp, excruciating pain, filling her head but also travelling down every nerve in her body. She could hear her own gasp, blurrily see a shower of sparks descending from above her, but soon a stark white light completely blinded her, overriding everything else.

* * *

Her eyelids felt heavy as she tried to open her eyes again, desperate to see anything but that disturbing light, but it was as if her eyelashes were glued together and it took a few moments to be able to open her eyes fully, and what she saw when she did left her perplexed. She was still in her alcove, her position elevated from the ground told her that, but unless the Cargo Bay had been radically altered, she wasn't there. It was dark, but from the watery sunlight beginning to stream through the room's fine floor length curtains, she could see a carpet below her and a shape that looked like a large bed in front of her. She blinked repeatedly, knowing that on board Voyager such a scene was impossible, but everything only became clearer, more resolutely _abnormal_. Forcing herself to think practically, she scanned the mirage for defects. Voyager had been attacked by telepathic aliens before and if there was a way to see through this obvious deception she was determined to find it. As she turned her head she was startled to feel her hair brushing the bare skin of her back and shoulders and reached up to discover that, at some point during her strange "transition" for lack of a better word, her hair had been freed from her preferred bun style. Her movement registered with the alcove, the voice of complaint unchanged but still causing Seven to jump as it droned out, "Regeneration cycle incomplete."

Seven stiffened in panic as she saw movement in the nearby bed, a soft, sleepy groan responding to her alcove's alert. "What's wrong Seven? It's only 0555 hours…"

"Comm…Commander?" Seven choked out as she recognised the distinctive low, velvety tone, her own voice hoarse with both shock and relief.

"_Commander_?" Chakotay echoed incredulously, sitting up abruptly in bed, his drowsiness gone. "Computer, lights!" he ordered, turning to stare at her intently, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I…" Seven started weakly, her voice failing her entirely as the lights illuminated the room, and Chakotay. She could now see his broad, muscular frame in its glory, the duvet having fallen away from his bare chest when he sat up. A burning heat surged through her along with a dizzying confusion as blood rushed to her face.

Chakotay's eyes narrowed, obviously as confused by her reaction as she was by his mere appearance here. "Honey, what's wrong?" he asked anxiously, scrambling to get out of bed as she winced at his question, "Are you feeling alright or…"

Seven had never understood the human expression, "to have your mouth fall open", after all humans had complete control of their jaw muscles, but as Chakotay made his way hurriedly towards her, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers which had obviously been slept in, she had to consciously focus on getting her mouth to close and even then it took several seconds for the command to be obeyed. Gulping convulsively, she tried to gather her wits. "I don't know…" She mumbled, embarrassed to find that she was struggling to breathe. Instinctively she tried to flee, stumbling as she tried to escape the alcove.

Chakotay was beside her in an instant, his strong arms preventing her from falling straight to the floor. "You're shaking!" he exclaimed as he tightened his grip around her worriedly, "Let's call the Doctor…"

"Yes…" Seven whispered faintly as she unthinkingly sagged against him, pulling away in shame as she remembered she shouldn't be _seeing_ her First Officer nearly naked, let alone _leaning_ on said man! "No! I mean…" She dropped her eyes to try and collect her thoughts, she probably did need medical assessment, but hopefully if she stayed here this…delusion would just come to an end… Her mind froze in paralysis as she looked down at herself and saw that she was almost as scantily dressed as Chakotay. The nightdress she was wearing could, from what she understood from reading a sample of the Captain's romantic fiction, be described as a negligee. It certainly negligibly covered her, it ended halfway down her thigh and she now realised Chakotay probably had a good view of her cleavage too. Seven wouldn't have described herself as excessively modest, she'd frequently thought it irrelevant over the years and been bemused by the crew's prudishness, but right now her mortification was extreme. Her implants were grotesquely exposed, dotted over her feet, coiling up her legs, crisscrossing from her entirely cybernetic left arm over her chest and down her back. Just as rapidly as it had come, the blood reddening her face drained away and she was left ghostly pale as she shuddered in shame. "Let me go!" she demanded in horror, jerking away from him and trying valiantly to keep her gaze trained on the floor. Despite that, she still felt him tense beside her and couldn't avoid his gaze as he peered down at her, hurt painfully evident in his dark eyes. That wounded look he gave her somehow dragged a stuttering explanation from her lips, "You…You shouldn't…see me like this…"

Chakotay's face creased into an even deeper frown, this time one of concern, as he picked up on the frightened note in her voice. "What are you talking about?" he asked blankly before his warm hand gently moved up to caress her shoulder soothingly, "You look almost the same as you do every morning sweetheart and I'm always happy to see you…" He told her softly but his gentle assurances didn't have the calming effect he expected.

Her eyes shot to his, her already huge eyes showing blatant disbelief. She was, of course, sent reeling by the fact that this version of Commander Chakotay seemed to believe that the two of them routinely shared a room, and they had done so for an extended period of time, but that wasn't the first thing she questioned, "You don't find my implants repulsive?" she whispered brokenly.

"Repulsive?" Chakotay echoed, his voice catching as he realised she was asking a genuine question, "How can you even ask me that? Of course I don't!" He answered hotly, growing visibly frustrated.

"Really?" Seven breathed, still disbelieving and immediately irritated by the high pitch of her voice.

Chakotay took a deep breath before looping his arm around her waist to hug her into his side, leaning close to her face so that, as he spoke, she could feel his warm breath tickling her ear. "Listen, I know you're feeling a little insecure right now but I don't want you thinking like that even for a second. I've always told you that the only thing your implants show anyone is your strength to escape the Borg and live as an individual, they're nothing to be ashamed of."

Seven sighed, gulping hard as his words sunk in. No matter how strange this situation was it still affected her somewhere deep inside to hear such forgiving words. "But…" She began, grappling to understand. She'd been privately ashamed of herself for so long that she couldn't let go of the idea, and surreal nature of this experience wasn't helping.

"But nothing." Chakotay interrupted firmly, tilting her stubbornly lowered face up to his. "You could never be repulsive to me Seven." He murmured against her hair, kissing her forehead fondly, an action so unexpected that Seven was too shocked to do anything but allow it, "You're one of the most _beautiful_ women I've ever known and I'm very lucky that you're my wife. I don't want you to ever forget that I feel that way, okay?"

Seven knew the reasonable route would've been to point out to him that she didn't recognise anything about this, their relationship, this place, but she found that the indignant questions wouldn't come as she gazed up at him, transfixed by the love and longing shining from his familiar eyes. "I won't…" She breathed out honestly in reply, "Thank you Chakotay…"

A husky chuckle of relief rose from Chakotay, a wry smile pulling at his lips. "You're acting like I've never told you any of that before." He remarked, amused now.

Seven couldn't quite suppress a panicky laugh. "Well, actually I…" He laughed again at that, the soft, coaxing press of his lips on hers making the rest of that reply stick to her throat, unspoken. The next few seconds seemed to last an immeasurably long time but also not long enough, and it was Chakotay who broke it off with an easy smile at her. Seven had to remind herself to breathe then, and unwind her fingers from around his lithe shoulders, shaking her head a little to dislodge the pleasant fog and reinforce the fact that this _could not _be real. Her heart racing with adrenaline, she was relieved to spot an open doorway and backed away towards it. "Excuse me." She muttered to the phantom Chakotay hastily, turning to flee too quickly to see perplexed hurt scar his handsome face.

She slammed the door behind her with a crash only to realise that she had cornered herself in an en-suite bathroom. She stared down at her hands, throbbing from the harsh contact with the door, and saw two rings fitted snugly onto the ring finger of her right hand, a simple gold wedding band coupled with a matching ring set with a delicate ruby. Whatever this delusion was, it was undoubtedly detailed…

**A/n: Originally this was going to be a one-shot, but as my regular readers will know by now, my one-shots tend to expand as I get into them! :) So a two or maybe three chapter story, depending on how much detail I explore. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW and let me know what you think so far! :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/n: Thanks so much for the support so far everyone! :) I wonder what your theories will be after reading this chapter... ;) Enjoy! :)**

Seven wasn't sure how long she sat on the bathroom floor with her back, heaving with panicky gasps, pressed against the door but eventually her ingrained habit of analysis began to kick back in and she scanned her surroundings. From what she could it was an ordinary room, through it had little in common with the cramped, strictly utilitarian rooms on Voyager. Sparkling white tiles with minimalist beige detail were laid on the floor and up the walls and a sleek sonic shower cubicle hugged into the far left corner by the small window, but it was the large bath in the centre, with a couple of candles perched on the rim that drew her attention. The lingering scent of vanilla and sandalwood filling her nostrils told her that those candles had been lit in the past twelve hours or so, meaning that this "home", if that's what it truly was, had been lived in for sometime whether she remembered it not. She couldn't rule out telepathic invasion, but surely there were more effective ways of prying information from her mind than creating this comfortable, if befuddling, environment? Shaking her head to try and clear it, she stood up slowly, her shaking, unsure limbs struggling to gain purchase on the slick tiles. Gripping hold of the towel rail for support, she disciplined herself into laying out her options frankly. There weren't many. The uneasy truth that only Chakotay could give her any answers kept reoccurring until she couldn't ignore it, any more than she could repress the image of him standing in front of her unclothed which now seemed to be permanently embedded into her mind's eye, or her memories of his protestations of love… Swallowing hard to wet her suddenly parched mouth, she leaned over the sink and splashed her face repeatedly with cold water, apparently the general human technique for distancing oneself from emotion. As she felt the water trickle through her fingers, the constant reminder of those wedding and engagement rings sparkled at her tauntingly and another idea, so obvious she was frustrated for not thinking of it before, hit her hard like a blow around the head. This could be a dream.

A dream? She considered, guiltily lowering her hand out of sight so that she didn't need to look at the rings. It was feasible she supposed, and much more preferable to the notion of being attacked by telepaths or that she was suffering from some sort of mental breakdown, but she couldn't entirely accept the explanation. First of all, she rarely dreamed at all, only in times of extreme mental duress did the normal oblivion of Borg regeneration give in to the dream state that was part of human physiology and psychology. Furthermore, this experience was the opposite of what she normally endured when dreaming. Normally her dreams were disjointed fragments, turbulent and jumbled, all connected somehow to her complex web of feelings related to her time with the Borg, a toxic mixture of need for singularity and a sickening terror and hatred. They were, as the Doctor had once explained to her, nightmares. She couldn't recall living a _pleasant_ scenario in a dream, let alone one as vivid as this was. She didn't feel any sort of detachment from her body, she could feel pain, had just felt the sting of freezing water on her skin, all of that was contrary to the symptoms of a dream as she knew them. The thought that her own unconscious mind could create such a romantically suggestive, even risqué, situation also made her deeply uncomfortable and sceptical. She'd already worked through, and learned to ignore, such feelings on the holodeck, why would her subconscious mind prolong the pain and explore them more?

"Seven?" Chakotay's voice, muffled slightly by the door separating them, jolted her away from her inner thoughts. "Are you alright in there?"

"I am fine." Seven replied hurriedly, managing to stop an inexcusable squeal from leaving her lips as the door handle moved, instead holding it in place to deny him access. "I will leave in a moment."

She felt Chakotay release the door handle. "Don't worry about it." He replied in a noticeably bemused tone before the soft tread of his feet on the carpet told Seven he was moving away from the door. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, Seven looked around for something to cover herself in front of him. Despite his flattering assurances from earlier giving her a warm feeling she couldn't restrain, she was unwilling to talk to him seriously dressed like this. Hanging on the back of the door she saw a nightgown which was obviously supposed to be hers, a confection of cream silk and ivory lace which matched her nightgown but wouldn't be helpful in any other sense. Finally, she spotted a larger towel robe, it seemed the better of the two options considering that asking Chakotay where her clothes were located would arouse his suspicions, and shrugged it on. It was only then, as she caught a whiff of his clean scent, that she realised she was unwittingly wearing Chakotay's robe. She shook her head wearily, more proof that this wasn't a dream; her imagination wasn't good enough to remember someone's scent so clearly! Deciding what she was wearing was the least of her problems; she warily stepped back into the bedroom.

Chakotay, now sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to her as he put a shirt over casual dark trousers, turned as he heard the door open, his relief at seeing her evident. "I was starting to think you were drowning in there, what happens to those edicts about efficient water use?" he joked, his face falling when she continued to hover uncertainly. Bravely raising an eyebrow at her, he remarked, "Wasn't that robe supposed to be _my _present?"

Seven shifted awkwardly, avoiding his gaze. "I was cold." She answered stiffly. This was true enough, even under the soft, thick fabric of the robe; her skin was riddled with goose-bumps.

Chakotay flashed her a warm, slightly lopsided grin. "It looks better on you anyway." He conceded, stiffening himself when he saw her withdraw from him once again, rather than give him the flirtatious comeback that was usual. "Okay, are you going to tell me what I've done?" he asked sharply.

Seven couldn't help but be stung by his tone. "I don't believe you've done anything…" She began shakily.

She could see that he was becoming exasperated, starting to pace the room. "Then what's wrong this morning, huh? First you call me "Commander" of all things and then you shut yourself in the bathroom for almost an hour…"

"An hour?" Seven repeated faintly. It hadn't felt that long to her, but… "When did I stop calling you Commander?" she asked impulsively.

Chakotay's eyes widened for a moment as he realised she was being serious. "Well…" He gave a dry laugh, "I did ask you to call me Chakotay just before I plucked up the courage to ask you out on our first date but you didn't drop the Commander in public until we left Voyager…" We left Voyager? Seven mentally echoed in disbelief, only his wry chuckle stopping her from actually asking the question. Chakotay's gaze narrowed as he read her distant expression and he prodded her again for answers. "Tell me what's wrong please, you've been asking a lot of weird questions ever since we got up honey."

Something in his pleading tone made Seven at least try to be honest. "Something went wrong with my regeneration cycle; I woke up feeling disorientated and confused." She explained brokenly, her voice becoming think as an inexplicable lump rose in her throat, "I'm sorry…"

Chakotay's face immediately softened, his eyes full of concern and regret as he said apologetically, "No, I'm sorry. You should have said something, I'll call B'Elanna to come and take a look at it later. Maybe we should go see the Doctor too…"

"No!" Seven interrupted hastily, flushing under his questioning gaze, "I'm relatively sure this will resolve itself." She lied.

Chakotay looked unconvinced but returned to the bed to finish dressing. "Okay…" He muttered, "You're sure you're feeling better?"

"I will." Seven answered with a nod, using all of her available will power to tear her eyes away from him as he began buttoning his shirt. It had been flapping open, causing Seven more than a little distraction, but now she focused on looking around the bedroom. It was just as tastefully decorated at the bathroom, and she saw some items she recognised as Chakotay's personal belongings dotted around as well as a few of her own. The picture of herself and her parents she'd salvaged from the Raven sat on the dressing table, along with a group photo of all four Borg children when they'd done their science fair projects last year. Another photograph gave her a violent jolt, Icheb standing outside Starfleet Academy wearing a cadet's uniform. That was impossible…

What struck her next was even further in the realms of impossibility. Chakotay had at some point during her absence opened the curtains, revealing a spectacular view of what was, unmistakably, San Francisco Bay. This house must be set into the hills, the windows were purposefully positioned floor to ceiling to take advantage of the panoramic view. At this moment the rosy fingers of dawn were just beginning to curl around the sky beyond the Golden Gate Bridge, standing proudly directly in front of her. "We're on Earth…" She whispered in awestruck disbelief.

"I know. I can hardly believe it's been two years next month since we got back." Chakotay said in agreement, although he misinterpreted Seven's disbelief. "Do you still want to join the crew at the reunion?"

Seven almost laughed as she turned to face him, "I should think so." She answered, curiosity now getting the better of her until she joined him perched on the bed, though at a respectful distance away.

Chakotay frowned at the space she'd left between them for a moment before replying, "I guess we'll need to see what the Doctor thinks of you when the time comes."

"What has the Doctor…" Seven began to ask in confusion before her eyes landed on a photo prominently placed on one of the two bedside tables and she fell silent.

Chakotay picked the wedding photo up with a nostalgic smile, "This one is definitely my favourite, you look so beautiful and relaxed."

Seven reached over to prise the photo from his hands, peering at it intently, her fingers rubbing the image. It showed her, in a strapless, white dress of ethereally floating fabric, hair flowing over her shoulders, wrapped in Chakotay's arms. He was equally smartly dressed, his beaming gaze focused on her. The photographer had obviously caught her laughing at something Chakotay had just said, even in the still image she could see her own eyes sparkling with love and merriment. Seven felt her chest constrict and her vision blur, she couldn't imagine feeling that happy. Suddenly she hated this, this vision or dream or whatever it was, she could already sense the hollow feeling creeping up on her, that instant when she'd fully realise that none of this was real and never would be…

She was brought back by Chakotay squeezing her hand, at some point she'd moved closer to him in her distress without realising it. He started to speak but she stopped him by staring up at him piercingly, the photo clasped in her hands. "Tell me about it."

Chakotay peered at her quizzically, cupping her pale face with one hand and twisting a strand of her hair around his fingers with the other. "Aren't you the one with the photographic memory?" he teased her affectionately.

Seven bit her lip, "I do not believe you have forgotten." She murmured, "Tell me."

Chakotay's smile grew as he remembered, "Okay, well, do you want a word by word retelling of Tom's best man speech? The near miss with Harry and the rings?" He chuckled at her dubious expression, "The best part of that day was watching you coming down the aisle. I'll never forget how gorgeous you were in that dress, or how happy you looked and I felt. I could hardly believe it was _me _that was making you that happy."

"I can believe it." Seven told him softly, looking away for a moment. "Why, how, could you choose me?"

Chakotay took her by the shoulders again, searching her gaze. "Do you really need to ask me that my love?" He sighed and pulled her closer as she nodded heavily without looking at him. "I know it surprised a lot of people, we've been reminded often enough that we met on probably some of the worst terms possible, but thankfully things change. I was lonely on Voyager Seven, I'd given up on decent relationships, accepted that I'd given up my best years to the Maquis and then to getting Voyager home. I thought it was too late for me and you hadn't given yourself a chance had you? But then, for some reason, we were both ready at the same time and found each other." His gaze darkened slightly, "Of course, that didn't make everything perfect. You had your failsafe to get rid of and then…"

Seven choked, lurching in his arms. "I told you about that?" she gasped out incredulously.

Chakotay snorted, "How could I forget that? I never thought the Collective could get more sadistic but…" He trailed off, his jaw tightening. "Thank God it could be removed, although I was upset you hid it for so long…" Seven bowed her head in silent apology and his tone softened again as he continued, "And then Admiral Janeway intervened with getting us home and set the cat among the pigeons…" He bit back a laugh at Seven's confused reaction to the saying but didn't explain it, "I for one think we've done a good job of making our own future so far, don't you?"

"Undoubtedly." Seven murmured truthfully as she tried to make sense of what he'd said, but she was interrupted as he kissed her again. This time, for better or worse, she gave in completely, responding with more passion than she'd previously thought she possessed. She had just looped her arms around his neck, letting him pull her flush against him on the bed, when a strange sensation made her break off with a gasp. "What was that?" she forced out fearfully as it happened again. It wasn't exactly a pain, more like an odd fluttering against her ribs that she couldn't accurately describe even to herself.

Chakotay pulled back from her slightly, his hand brushing her abdomen as his eyes lit up with joy and amusement. "I think it's just the baby kicking you honey. The Doctor did say that would probably start this week…"

"_Baby_?" Seven stuttered out faintly, looking down at herself unbelievingly. He was right, she suddenly became very aware of the extra weight around her abdomen and stared in amazement at the still neat bump visibly protruding from under her flimsy nightgown. The pregnancy wasn't nearly as far progressed as B'Elanna's but it was still fairly obvious. Why hadn't she noticed that immediately? To be fair to herself, she had been so overwhelmed that after that first recognition of her embarrassing attire she hadn't taken the time to assess her physical condition. Shamefully, she'd been more focused on Chakotay's body than her own…

She now saw a full length mirror standing nearby and moved towards it, noticing now as she rose from the bed that she'd been sitting on the Ventu blanket, which was spread over the duvet and looking a little more worn than when she'd last laid eyes on it. Standing in front of the mirror, the pregnancy was ludicrously obvious and at the same time all the more unbelievable. This _must_ be a dream, she thought silently as she ran a hand over her altered figure, I am unable to have children…

Chakotay now came up from behind and put his arms protectively around her, kissing the pulse point in her throat as he crossed his hands over the bump and whispered in her ear, "You're _definitely _still beautiful. Happy anniversary, the first of many." Seven's ability to breathe returned, and she suddenly felt calm. Perhaps the fact that it was apparently their first anniversary explained her opulent clothing choice, and Chakotay had obviously believed her horror at her body had something to do with this pregnancy. "I love you." Chakotay told her, his lips now so close to her ear he was kissing the skin around it.

Seven turned her face to his, "I love you." She admitted honestly, this time unthinkingly initiating the kiss herself before dizziness abruptly overcame her, the reflection in the mirror blurring until it was almost unrecognisable. She shuddered as she realised she could no longer feel Chakotay's touch, then felt herself falling, down and down, the white light returning.

**A/n: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! :D I'd love to hear what all of you make of this! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

The horrifying sensation of a crushing weight pressing down on her chest replaced Chakotay's warm sensual touch almost simultaneously as the blinding white light blocking Seven's vision began to dim. It felt as if her chest cavity was collapsing and her ribcage bending under the strain exerted by this unknown force, but suddenly she came aware of cold air brushing her face and instinctively inhaled greedily, her starved lungs desperate for air. That breath was all it took, the pressure eased as soon as it had come and her chest abruptly rose again, like a balloon being rapidly inflated. Her restored hearing now registered her own breaths, laboured, shallow and hoarse, before snatches of voices floated above her. "Seventh time lucky…I don't think…would've had many more chances with the…stimulator…"

"Must be her lucky number, thank God…" Another voice, one Seven knew she should recognise but couldn't quite identify right now, replied in response to the first. "Will you…her?"

Seven tried to pull her brows down as she struggled to hear and understand what was being said, but it was as if her face was made of wax and it took extreme effort to even twitch a muscle. She became aware that she was lying on a hard surface and began to panic involuntarily as the spectre of waking up somewhere just as different but not nearly as comfortable as before began to haunt her. What was happening now? Forcing her lungs to expand enough to push her voice through her lips, she gasped out, hoping for salvation and safety, "Chakotay…" Despite all of that effort, the panicked cry left her as a hoarse, broken whisper, burning her already scorched throat.

There was a pause which seemed long to her before the answer came. "I'm here Seven." Chakotay's voice answered carefully from somewhere to her left, the three words having an odd ring to them, both thick with emotion and mildly perplexed. Still, hearing him was enough to relax Seven somewhat, her painfully arched back easing down onto whatever she was lying on and her breathing rate steadying, even if her confused body continued to fight each intake of air and left her aching. Her eyelids, glued together even more stubbornly than when she'd woken in that displaced alcove, resisted being opened but when they did her eyes grimaced at the brightness above her, as dry as sore as if she'd forgotten to blink in a desert. A strangled whimper escaped her throat as her confusion and fear intensified and she felt her body jerk upwards before several pairs of hands moved to hold her down.

"Relax Seven." An authoritative voice, the Doctor's, told her firmly. "You're okay now."

Recognising the Doctor's voice finally brought her eyes into focus and she now registered him hovering anxiously above her, stress evident in his every movement but his eyes shining with relief. "What…happened?" Her voice was so weak she could hardly hear it herself and the Doctor had to bend closer to her mouth to catch what she'd said.

"You had a very serious medical emergency." He said softly, stepping back to scan her with a tricorder he held ready, "Can you tell me how you feel?"

Seven swallowed as her clouded mind began to reconnect with her body's screaming nerves. "Nauseous…" She began slowly as her stomach began to jolt into twisting somersaults inside her.

"Pins and needles?" The Doctor asked.

Seven frowned. "Pins and needles" was not a particularly accurate analogy for the sensation running through her limbs, it was more akin to a fire being in her veins instead of blood, threatening to burst through the skin. "Yes…" She conceded eventually.

Noticing her disturbed expression, the Doctor said kindly, "It's just the blood returning to your extremities after your heart not pumping for so long…"

"_What_?" Seven repeated, her heart, far from stopping, beginning to thump so rapidly she felt very faint, her head keeling backwards, overwhelmed by pain, almost as soon as she tried to lift it up.

"Don't try to sit up Seven, not yet." Kathryn Janeway intervened, moving to put Seven shoulders back onto the biobed she now realised she was lying on in Sickbay.

Her action backfired through, Seven reacting to her presence with shock. "Captain…Admiral…" She choked out, stumbling over the rank the Chakotay she'd spoken to had given Janeway.

Janeway's brows furrowed, her concern visibly deepening. "Admiral? Seven, what are…"

"She's obviously suffering from confusion Captain." The Doctor broke in with a glance at Seven, "It's really no wonder considering…"

"Considering _what_?" Seven tried to snap in confusion, but her voice only cooperating enough to produce a harsh whisper.

The Captain blanched, and Seven now saw that her face was pale, her hair tousled and her uniform visibly crumpled, as if she'd thrown it on in a hurry. "Don't worry about that right now Seven…" She began awkwardly.

"Kathryn, she won't calm down until she understands, I wouldn't." Chakotay interrupted, his tone deceptively level but with a sharp edge. "She has as much right to an explanation now as she will when she feels better."

Seven rolled her head to the left to see that she hadn't imagined Chakotay's reply to her call of his name, he sat perched on the edge of a chair by her biobed. His tattoo stood out starkly on his ashen face and his shoulders were hunched with tension as he ran a hand repetitively through his thick dark hair. "Chakotay…" She breathed out, dazed, gulping convulsively as she saw that he was wearing his uniform, in an even worse state than the Captain's, and that they were very much still on Voyager. "I mean Commander…" She forced out, blooding flowing sluggishly to her cheeks.

Chakotay managed to summon up a small smile for her, his clenched jaw slackening. He put a hand briefly over her human one, Seven noticed it was almost as cold and clammy as her own, before pulling back again. "You've had a rough night Seven." He murmured with a slight catch to his voice, shooting Janeway a pointed look as he did so.

"Don't panic Seven alright?" She instructed tightly, "But what Chakotay just said was an understatement. When he discovered you in the Cargo Bay this morning your alcove had gone wild, practically exploded, and your implants, since they were interfaced with it, were malfunctioning badly."

"When we tried to free you from it for medical treatment…" The Doctor halted painfully, his eyes swimming as he gulped down a huge lump in his throat, "You went into full cardiac arrest immediately." He sighed heavily, looking her straight in the eye, "You were clinically dead for over nine minutes Seven."

Seven felt her lips part, her mouth now falling open for a very different reason from before as she reached up to her neck and her fingers brushed the cool metal of a cortical stimulator. A freezing chill ran over her as her hand encircled it, "You succeeded in resuscitating me…after seven shocks." She mumbled, the context of the conversation she'd heard at first now becoming clear.

"Yes." The Doctor confirmed, "You were extremely lucky, not only that we managed to bring you back but that your cortical node seems to have survived the mauling that alcove gave it."

Seven winced slightly before her mind sunk into thought. Had her cortical node been so disrupted as to throw up all of that vivid detail in her dream? Obviously none of it had been real, just as she had began to fear… "What caused all this?"

The Captain took a deep breath before plunging into an explanation. "We came upon an alien shield network during the night and it caused a great deal of damage, including a violent power surge. We think that's what destroyed your alcove. It was just bad luck that you were in it at the time, B'Elanna said that if there hadn't been a cycle running there would have been minimal damage. She and Icheb are already reactivating one of the unused alcoves for you and they assure me this won't happen again."

Seven closed her eyes for a moment, guilty that a tiny, irrational part of her wished it would. "That is good to hear, thank you Captain." She murmured, injecting as much gratitude into the words as she could muster.

The Captain however, seemed satisfied, giving her protégé a relieved smile as she patted her hand reassuringly. "It's the least we could do for you Seven. Now…" She paused, bracing herself for a fight, "You're on medical leave until the Doctor says otherwise, understood?"

"Understood Captain." Seven agreed mutedly, uncharacteristically unconcerned about her duties in a way that made Janeway's anxieties flare for a moment before she suppressed them.

"I'll go to the Bridge for now but I'll come and see how you're doing later." She told Seven with a flicker of a tired smile before nodding to both the EMH and Chakotay, "Commander, Doctor."

Chakotay just nodded at her distractedly while the Doctor responded pleasantly, "Goodbye Captain." He turned back to his patient as Janeway left, giving Seven a pensive smile, "Is there anything else I can do for you right now? I've already given you all the painkillers and anti-nausea drugs I can until your body recovers from the shock and goes back to normal."

Normal? Seven mentally echoed listlessly as she caught the Doctor's concerned eye. "What exactly did happen with my cortical node?" she asked quietly.

The Doctor inhaled sharply, face darkening. "More to the point is what _didn't _happen. All of your cybernetic systems when into overdrive to such an extent that your natural body just gave out. If the Commander had found you even a minute later you wouldn't be with us right now. I had to inject you with several of the nanoprobe samples you've given me during your maintenance checks just to restart your heart." Seeing Seven's stoicism fail a little, he gave her arm an affectionate squeeze. "Don't think about what might have been."

Seven's lips twitched wryly, although her eyes held sorrow. "If I thought too much about what might've happened in my life I wouldn't be able to function, Doctor."

Since she wasn't facing him, she didn't see Chakotay wince at this comment, but the Doctor's face mirrored the First Officer's expression. "True enough." He muttered heavily before glancing at the detailed results the Computer had correlated from his tricorder scans of her. "There was one thing that struck me, your temporal transponder was particularly active…"

"The component that the Harry from the future used to communicate with us?" Chakotay questioned curiously.

"Precisely." The Doctor confirmed, although he was mildly miffed at being interrupted. He noticed Seven had lost her colour once again and looked ghostly pale. "Seven?"

Seven jumped at his prompting but quickly responded, though her voice was wavering. "What do you think was the reason for that Doctor?"

"All I speculate on is that the malfunction with your alcove made the transponder lose sight of your time and place and it was frantically trying to reset, nothing to worry about. Why do you ask?"

Seven pressed her lips together, forcing herself to dismiss the possibility of anything temporal for the sake of her sanity and sense of perspective. "It is obviously nothing of importance Doctor."

The Doctor still appeared worried, scanning her with his ubiquitous tricorder one last time. "I think you need to rest now."

Chakotay suddenly stood up, moving closer to the biobed. "Can she still have visitors Doctor?"

The Doctor couldn't help but raise an eyebrow his way, shooting Seven a questioning look which she ignored. "Why? Are you offering?"

Chakotay was unperturbed by his arch tone. "Yes." He answered seriously.

"I don't think…" The Doctor started to reply apologetically, thinking of the affect the Commander tended to have on Seven even when she wasn't recovering, he didn't want to have to revive her anymore that day.

The croak of Seven's still weak voice interrupted him. "Please Doctor." She stiffened a bit under the Doctor's uneasy glance, her own eyes shooting up to Chakotay before she added in a heartbreakingly ashamed tone, "I do not wish to be alone."

The Doctor softened, watching her intently. Something about Seven of Nine had changed, she was still visibly nervous, at least to him who knew her well, but that defensive stance she'd had with the Commander, keeping him at an even further distance than she already held everyone else, was gone. It was like the shields that had surrounded her as long as he'd known her had, rather than being briefly lowered, had at least partially collapsed. He didn't like to think that it had taken a near-death experience to bring that about though, for Seven's sake. "Okay, I'll go and work on your treatment in my office but call me if you need me." He could see as he turned away that Seven hadn't intended to be left _entirely_ alone with the Commander, but he just gave them both an encouraging smile and left.

**A/n: PLEASE REVIEW! :D I know that this chapter didn't have enough of Chakotay in it, the explanatory part took longer than I thought (I hope you like the explanation by the way), but now Seven and Chakotay will have an entire chapter dedicated to talking this out, which can only be a good thing, right? **


	4. Chapter 4

Seven kept her eyes locked on Sickbay's office door long after the Doctor had retreated inside. It was easier than studying the machines that still monitored her, reeling off data with piercing beeps, or looking at her exhausted, salvaged body, so different from the one her wandering mind had inhabited just minutes before. What she most wanted to avoid, of course, was the man sitting quietly beside her, his dark eyes watching her with the same unrelenting focus she was using to stare at nothing. Through she couldn't meet that gaze, she knew that that was what he was doing, she could feel it as surely as she could feel one of his heavy sighs occasionally distorting the stilted air around them. Part of her longed to be able to take comfort in his presence, but that same longing, which had produced that dream world where his eyes had reflected her every emotion and more, was reined in by the fact that seeing the reality would corrupt the dream forever.

"Seven…" He began slowly, another heaving sigh escaping him as he pushed himself on to continue, "Do you…" He paused again, and Seven couldn't help but note how much he'd diverged from his usual measured, calm style of speech. "Do you want anything?"

Seven swallowed hard, through her mouth was so dry it brought her no relief. She wanted so much, none of which she could have. That was a fact she'd thought she'd learned to live with. She felt as if she were choking on something, though her throat was so parched she was surprised there was enough fluid in her body to provide for the tears that needled the backs of her eyes and weighed down her lids. "A drink." She eventually conceded, her voice still stubbornly refusing to be more than a weak whisper, "Please."

Chakotay jumped slightly as if he hadn't really expected her to speak and Seven had to wonder if the question had been the one he truly wanted to ask her. He rose hurriedly from his chair, his footsteps loud in her ears as he headed towards the replicator. "I need a cup of tea or something, is that okay for you? It'd probably do you better than just water, I don't think the Doctor will let you eat yet."

Seven allowed herself to turn her head towards him, gazing ruefully at his broad back. "Does tea taste better than coffee?" she asked in a hoarse mumble.

Chakotay laughed softly and Seven saw him run a thoughtful hand through his hair, his back still to her as he faced the replicator. "I think so; all you can do is try it. You probably wouldn't mind coffee so much if the Captain had offered you milk and sugar to add to those huge mugs of black espresso she's addicted to."

"It is not the Captain's practice to accommodate sizable variations to her own tastes." Seven replied, surprised at the wry note in her own tone. It seemed she could still have a functioning conversation with him.

Chakotay chuckled, his voice losing some of its strain, "You're right about that. What about me? Do you think I'd accommodate you?"

"Yes." Seven murmured, her tone thickening as her heart put extra emphasis on the question. She shook herself in frustration, ignoring the painful jar the movement gave her sore body, and looked away from him again. It didn't take him long to return though, the small tray quickly placed aside as he wordlessly put an arm gently around her back to help her sit up. Seven blushed, her body flooded with arguing impulses, to tense up or to relax in his arms. In the end she did neither, letting him carefully manoeuvre her spent body and unable to resist looking into his face as he fussed over her. "Thank you Commander." She murmured quietly.

"It's no trouble." Chakotay replied firmly, studying her pale face intently for a moment as he picked up on the catch in her voice over his rank before stepping back to press the mug of steaming tea into her hands then gather up his own. "Here."

Seven nodded as her fingers wrapped around the mug, glad of the warming effect it had on her cold hands but still painfully reminded of the longer lasting warmth of Chakotay's touch in her vision. She took a long sip, the generous doses of milk and sugar reviving her deadened senses somewhat. "The taste is pleasant." She remarked shakily as she grew uncomfortable with the silence.

Chakotay replied with a tight smile, "My mother always used to put the milk and sugar in for me as a treat if I was sick…" He grimaced as he glanced at her, their surroundings still disordered after the desperate rush to resuscitate her. "Not that I could compare what you've just been through to bad cold…" He added hastily, his throat moving convulsively for a moment.

"I'd rather think of it as merely being ill than recovering from a cardiac arrest Chakotay." Seven assured him softly, though she couldn't stop herself from wincing slightly.

"I guess so." Chakotay agreed, comforted, before sighing again before looking at her directly. "Do you want to talk about it? I know that experiences like what you've been through can be upsetting…"

Seven bit her lip, thinking Neelix's spiritual crisis after she'd revived him years ago. "I don't hold any particular preconceptions about an afterlife Commander, or even if there is one." She answered, harshly enough that the perceptive Chakotay wasn't fooled.

"That doesn't mean it's not bothering you." He responded, his tone carefully neutral, but the genuine concern in his eyes, so reminiscent of what she'd seen in the "other" Chakotay, made Seven crack.

"No, it does not." She admitted, heaving in a deep breath as she bowed her head. "I did see, live, something, but in the end it didn't disturb me."

"That's good." Chakotay commented gently, leaning forward but not offering anything more than an empathic look.

Seven found that she wanted to give more though, her conflicted thoughts pouring out. "So much of it was impossible…but I felt contented, happy even."

Chakotay nodded slowly in understanding. "You miss it?" He said this more as an observant statement than a question, but an overwrought Seven took it as such.

"Yes…" She choked out, "Even though I have…_absolutely_ no right to."

At the vehemence in this statement, Chakotay reached over and released one of her hands from around the rapidly cooling mug of tea, holding it tight in his own. "Don't say that, you don't have any reason to apologise for being happy, ever." He gave her fingers an affectionate squeeze and smiled at her kindly, "Now, just how "impossible" was this scenario you found yourself in?"

Seven shot him a confused look. "Not impossible, just…" Her voice broke as her hand unconsciously brushed against her flat abdomen, "…highly unlikely, with events I would have to be very lucky to experience."

"Who says you can't be lucky?" Chakotay asked searchingly, continuing with a tiny smile as she stared at him, "Do you know what the basis for my people's tradition of vision quests is?"

"To provide a form of spiritual guidance through life, to direct decisions and cope with turmoil." Seven answered as fully as she could, though she couldn't quite see where this question had come from.

Chakotay flashed her a grin, impressed with this spark of knowledge. "That's right in principle. Now, in more recent times we've accessed the subconscious using technology assisted meditation, but originally elders induced it by putting their bodies through extreme tests, such as sweat lodges. Sometimes they'd take it to the brink of death, in fact they believed these visions were the most potent, giving them flashes of the future and guiding them on how to lead their lives if they were fortunate enough to be brought back from the quest by the spirits."

Seven felt her eyebrows rising even as she tried to suppress her Borg disbelief. "They induced near-death experiences just to have these visions?"

"Yes." Chakotay confirmed solemnly, "Some of them didn't survive it, but those who did took what they saw to heart, that was enough to influence my people's core beliefs." He watched her mull these words over before adding hurriedly, "I'm not saying you take it as gospel, and certainly not that you put yourself through this again, but if you were happy in this vision you saw, why shouldn't you take some steps to make some of it come true?"

Seven gulped repeatedly, blinking back the tears that were forming layers on her lashes. She was ashamed of the emotion his words pulled out of her, but as she looked into his wholly understanding face some of that shame fell away. "I hope that I could." She admitted honestly.

"That's all you can do." Chakotay told her just as honestly, taking her hand in his again.

Seven stared down at their interlocked hands that contrasted so much. Somehow her own, covered as it was with the spidery silver veins of the implants that made up that whole arm, fitted snugly in his, tanned and worn after a lifetime of hard work. "How did you come to find me? Why were you I the Cargo Bay?" she asked suddenly, staring at him with new curiosity.

Now it was Chakotay's turn to have colour tinge his cheeks for an instant. "Well…to be honest with you I couldn't really sleep and I wanted to see how you were doing after all we went through with the Ventu…" He trailed off for a moment, "I was going to invite you to breakfast actually, but then…" He flinched visibly at the memory of finding her trapped in her alcove, obviously still disturbed by it.

"Breakfast would've been nice." Seven said with thoughtful sincerity. Honestly, she wasn't sure if she would have admitted that if this morning had been normal, if she hadn't seen the dream, but she had, and it had pushed her old fears about certain emotions to the back of her mind.

Chakotay brightened, returning the dreamy smile she'd unconsciously given him. "We can always do that tomorrow if you want." He suggested before quickly throwing a conspiratorial glance towards the Doctor's office, "If the Doctor lets you leave today we could even have dinner tonight."

"I'd like that Commander." Seven agreed, surprised to find her whole body relaxing as she made her decision rather than tensing up in anxiety as she'd half-expected from previous experience.

"That's what we'll do then." Chakotay confirmed before adding softly, "What_ I'd _like is for you to call me Chakotay when we're off-duty, okay?" A sizable chunk of his brain wanted to ask her why she'd called for him by his given name as soon as she woke, but he didn't want to pry any further into her private dreams, and decided just to trust that the spirits he'd fervently prayed to for help had intervened with her.

Seven felt that troublesome blush return, it seemed to be becoming a habit. "As you wish." She agreed levelly though for a moment the memory of what her dream Chakotay had told her about their past temptingly resurfaced.

"I do…" Chakotay began firmly before interrupted by the Doctor clearing his throat for attention. The hologram had actually been watching the scene for a minute or so, completely unnoticed.

"What's this I hear about dinner plans?" he asked loudly, causing Seven to shoot him an embarrassed look.

Chakotay stood up, slowly letting go of Seven's hand. "I was just offering to take Seven out for a meal when she gets out of here."

"Oh?" The Doctor asked archly, "And you didn't think of asking her doctor's professional opinion first beforehand, especially after the events of this morning?" he admonished before a knowing smile crossed his lips, "_If_ and I mean if, Seven consents to resting here for the day without complaint she'll be discharged at 1900 hours."

Chakotay gave the Doctor a grateful, if mildly amused, smile before turning to Seven, "I'll be here at 1900 hours then."

Seven replied with a shy nod, ignoring the Doctor's interested gaze. "Thank you Chakotay."

The Doctor could hardly hold himself back until the doors had fully closed behind Chakotay. "Can I take from that conversation that your perspectives on certain things have changed?"

Seven sighed at his incredulous tone but decided to "bite the bullet" as Tom Paris would say, if she didn't act on her resolution now, she knew her memories would fade and her courage would fail her. "When, after today's events, will it be safe to attempt to remove the failsafe device from my cortical node?"

The Doctor was more than a little taken aback by her upfront manner. "Really? You're serious Seven?"

Seven tiredly lifted an eyebrow in his direction. "Haven't you been beseeching me to "come to my senses" for many weeks?"

"Yes, but I was starting to lose hope of that ever happening…" The Doctor admitted, sighing as she stiffened, "Be sure to have a quiet night with him tonight, I don't think you'll be recovered enough to withstand the surgery for another few days yet."

Seven gave an understanding nod. "I will take your advice Doctor." She murmured contritely, aware of the anxiety she'd put him through over the past few weeks, days and hours.

"Finally." The Doctor dramatically teased before becoming serious again, "Do you mind me asking what changed your mind for good? A near-death experience alone isn't a sound basis to…"

Seven met his gaze levelly, only her voice betraying a quiver of nerves. "The only thing that matters is that I've changed my mind, primarily because my heart was strengthened."

**A/n: PLEASE REVIEW! :D I hope you all found the ending satisfying. Thanks to everyone who has read, favourited and followed this story, I've been overwhelmed with the support I've received for it. A special mention to the reviewers: NikkiB1973 who gave me the idea for this story, Sweetdeath04, Jedi Master Misty Sman-Esay, battlevalkyrie, Teal06, EMcKinney, Tropicalgirl, Soujiku, TV appreciator, katiemaynot, lizzy74656, MissSarahG1 and Artsy. **


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